I wrote recently whether I would get on that Delta flight again as I did in 1978 to come to America, knowing what I know today. And my answer shocked many.
Unless you
have left everything behind that you loved and knew, it would be hard for most
people to understand the fundamental transformation that a person has to
undergo in order to survive well in this country and become an American
citizen.
The
immigrants to America in those times were legal and had to undergo rigorous
scrutiny by American authorities and by medical authorities in order to be
allowed into the country. The immigrant had to prove that he/she had the means
to support themselves or be supported by a spouse. The government did not want
to support any immigrants with welfare.
As the plane
from JFK landed in the middle of pastures, at a nowhere southern airport in the
dark, and as we drove from that tiny airport another 45 minutes with nothing
but fields, cows, and the occasional deer on both sides of the deserted country
roads, I felt a sinking feeling of despair and grave loss. What have I done?
I started
questioning immediately the sanity of my decision to leave my country which is
what most human beings would do. I was hungry, thirsty, and I had a pit in my
stomach the size of a rock. I just wanted to get back on that plane and fly
back to my hometown, to my parents, to my friends, to everything I knew well.
I spoke
British English which I learned in school, and the southern accent and
idiomatic expressions I did not know threw me for a loop constantly until I
learned the meanings of southern American English.
People ate
strange and different foods, and got angry with me if I declined to consume their
meals. Many were shocked and insulted when I refused abruptly certain generous
offers as the cultural differences and values came into play. Nobody understood
my culture, where I came from, what I spoke, where my country was on the map,
and I did not understand their values and southern culture. Nobody was willing
to allow me plenty of time to learn and adjust.
The fact
that Europeans are blunt in their answers did not go well with the very
diplomatic southerners who often hide their true meanings and feelings with
sugar-coated phrases. Like the Germans say, if you are not prepared to hear the
honest answer, do not ask Germans how they feel.
Trying to be
American in a country where I was a foreigner at best to the locals and a
permanent resident alien to the government, was very hard. And I was homesick
every day, crying in a room away from prying eyes and ears.
I was told by
in-laws that my marriage to their son in the Orthodox Church did not count, I
needed to marry again in the Baptist Church otherwise our children would be
bastards.
My dad had
spent thousands to dollars on our very lavish wedding after the official
marriage in St. John’s Cathedral in my hometown, marriage performed by four
priests, and my new ‘relatives’ thought it necessary that we re-marry here. The
in-laws contributed nothing to the wedding and it took my daddy years to save
the kind of money he spent on our wedding.
The
adjustment to being stuck in the country, ten miles away from a tiny town,
population 3,000, no means of transportation, no public transportation, no
ability to drive on my part, no money, no job, further exacerbated my adaptation
misery and struggle. I would have gone back, had I had the money and the means
to do so.
The ranch
house was about a tenth of a mile from the gate and the road and from there the
closest store was about a mile on a gravel road at the intersection with a
paved highway. This store carried necessities such as milk, bananas, ice cream,
flour, sugar, etc. But I had no money.
My parents
never called because international calls were very expensive for them and I
could not call either because I did not have money and I lived in my in-laws’
house.
International
calls in 1978 were about $10 for three minutes after 7 p.m. and, after placing
an order for the call with the operator, I had to wait 24 hours to be connected.
When the operator did connect, she would call me and tell me that she has my
Romanian party on the line and I could talk. The calls often sounded garbled as
if they were coming from the bottom of the ocean. Little did I know that the telephone
cables back then did run at the bottom of the Atlantic.
So most of
my connecting with my parents was through letters which took weeks to arrive. Did
I tell them the truth of my situation? Of course not, I was too proud to admit
that I was in an awful situation by my own making, everything my father had
brought into question about my future husband and the rich in-laws had turned
out miserably true.
A couple of
ladies who befriended me at church drove me a few times into the small town
nearby and one of them gave me a gift I will never forget, a $20 pair of Wrangler
jeans. I never forgot Gayle’s generosity. I had no money so $20 was a fortune
to me. The minimum wage then was $3.10 an hour.
I eventually
earned my driver’s license and was able to drive to town to a minimum wage job.
I was the most educated in that office and the lowest paid. I did not mind because
my monthly salary was so much bigger than anything that I could have earned in
Romania. And I was completely broke without this job.
Four years later
I became an American citizen, but, to do so, I had to give up my Romanian documents,
I was not allowed to have double citizenship.
To say that
I have lost my roots over the years, would be an understatement. I have longed
and still do for the wonderful places and customs I grew up with.
I hated
communism, and escaping it, and the sacrifices I made to be here, was the
freedom which I gifted to my children. Do they appreciate that? I don’t think
so because they have never set foot in Romania as adults. If they had done so,
they would not have been able to understand what I escaped from because the
communist dictatorship had been long gone, following the 1989 Revolution.
Through me,
my mom was able to get freedom as well and she escaped communism two years
later. Unfortunately, they did not allow my dad to leave and he died under the
communist boot and regular beatings.
One of my adult
children told me recently that I benefited all my life of “white privilege,”
repeating the leftist construct she had been indoctrinated with. If she had
only seen what I had experienced in order to become an American citizen by choice,
and what parts of my soul and mind I had to give up in order to survive in a
foreign land, surrounded by foreign people, foreign customs, foreign food,
foreign religions, no friends, and hostile in-laws, she might have understood.
Telling someone about pain and suffering endured is not the same as
experiencing it.
As the years
passed, the country where I found relative freedom, pursued higher education, had
children, bought a home, started changing more and more in the direction of
Marxism. A large number of American citizens started praising socialism and
communism and pursued the destruction of capitalism, the very capitalism which gave
them a good life, better than any other country in the world.
In light of
political developments in the last fifteen years, the rest of my life in
America will be spent under a combination of global Marxism and corporate fascism,
not a good prospect for anybody.
Would I get
on that Delta flight again to come to the U.S.A. for freedom, to escape
communism? Had I known that I would have to spend my golden years under Marxist/corporatist
tyranny in America, my answer would be no. However, I would have missed the love of my life to whom I am still married today.
Thanks for sharing. It is indeed a sad situation we find ourselves in. My paternal grandfather, who died before I was born, immigrated legally from Sweden. My mom's great-great paternal grandparents immigrated legally from Prussia, which doesn't exist anymore (part of Germany now I believe).
ReplyDeleteAs the song goes: "You don't know what you have till it's gone". Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteSame goes for America's youth, not just me, PaBlum. They don't know yet what they will miss until it will be all gone.
DeleteDear Dr. Ileana Johnson Paugh (or more personally, Ileana), thank you for sharing your story, in part one and this part two! Yours is a profound example of culture shock. As cross-cultural missionaries, to Russia (10/1/1994 - 9/30/1999), my wife and I experienced “culture bumps,” in the early months. I remember feeling the loss of family, when the initial flight moved us to Moscow. The early months were like returning to an infant stage, to further learn language and culture. We, however, always had annual leave, of about four to six weeks, around Christmas. While obtaining new one-year visas, we were able to see family and friends. We also visited the churches that supported us financially. In time, Russia became home. Annual visits to America made us realize how far the country was slipping, year to year. It was an interesting insight, which we shared with Americans. Since our return, 24 years ago, this once great nation has only declined further, despite occasional improvements.
ReplyDeleteAs I've said, for 29 years now, America is quickly heading toward what the former Soviet Union once was. (Russia, when we lived there, was more open then, unlike now.) In time, the USSA (Ununited Socialist States of America) will fall, as the former Soviet Union did. It may take about 70 years, to do so, but the fall of this once great nation is coming. I pray that your story will awaken the minds of the deceived (such as your adult daughter).
May the good Lord bless your husband and you, with many more years of togetherness! I'm sure that he is glad that your decision was to join him.
Hi, Ileana,
ReplyDeleteI think that nobody can understand what you wrote better than I do. I came to this country at about the time that you had, but I was already 40 years old. I haven't had a person in the city to whom I could say hello, and my English was very limited, because I could not learn it openly before I applied for emigration - you know why (Americans don't understand all these fine points). This is a long story and I do not want to dwell on it here.
Just say, that people with experience similar to ours, are the only people who can fully appreciate what's happening, but unfortunately we can not change much.
Saying all that, I tell you that we appreciate your writings, so do not be discouraged.
Best,
Vladimir
Thank you, Vladimir Pismeney
DeleteFrom Dr. David Sponseller and his wife Kathie:
ReplyDeleteDear Ileana,
Thanks for your very interesting, 2-part series!
It was great of your dad to save for that grand wedding.
Surprising how narrow and biased the culture was in rural Mississippi. To think that the Baptists wouldn’t recognize a wedding performed in an orthodox church!
Had you not come to America, it would have been a huge loss for us, your readers. You have educated us so well about the history of Communism, and now about the incessant rise of Socialism/Communism in this country.
Thanks so much for coming!
God bless,
Dave and Kathie